Monday, April 11, 2011


i feel like alice - standing on the edge of the rabbit hole, about to tumble down. down, down, down. yet again.

i wanted to be better for him and now that he's gone i have no reason to be anything other than what i am. he made me want to be better, but i let him slip like sand through my fingers, not realising what he meant until it was too late.

even now i don't know if i loved him, or if i just loved the idea of loving him. or perhaps more accurately: i loved the idea of him loving me.

but it's over. today i try and be strong. i go downstairs and spoon mouthful after mouthful of cereal into my unwilling body. i make a new pact.

tomorrow i will put on my grey-blue dress and be alice.

this is your last chance to save me. hurry. it's almost too late.


  1. Oh my dear, I wish I could take away your pain. Stay better for yourself, for your family, friends, blog readers, for me, a stranger. You are worth more than what might have been.
    Stay strong and don't fall, please.
    If you need anything don't hesitate to contact me.
    hugs <3

  2. Don't fall.
    You are too too precious.
    Stay strong <3

  3. </3

    Everyday is a new begining.

  4. You don't have to be anything other than what you are, not for him nor for anyone else. But the *desire* you had to be strong and to be better,m that's a part of you, too. So be just what you are, and be strong, but for yourself. Princesslila is right, and puts it beautifully; you are worth more than what might have been. Don't throw away how far you've come.

  5. Oh, please don't fall. Here's the deal: you don't fall, I keep trying not to jump. Okay? <3