Sunday, October 17, 2010


i am scared to let go. my mother says that she is proud of me for the steps that i am taking to overcome my issues. she says i'm brave.

i'm not though. i have been to an incredibly lonely, dark and frightening place. my identity is completely wrapped up in the darkness and i can't let it go because it's who i am.

without it i am nothing. i guess i would still be me, but a different version. i have been here before, in this place, on the edge of this cliff. i have recreated myself and come out a different person. i don't want to do it again. i'm afraid that this time there will be nothing left.

i want the light. i want to be warm, to be well, but i feel i have something to prove. i can't turn around until i've reached the end of the path.

i'm confused.