feelings

on saturday i was the golden girl again - wide eyed and laughing, in love with the world and everyone in it. i felt like summer and flirty dresses and messy buns and eating ice cream on the sidewalk.

that night i cried myself to sleep.

by sunday night the world was magical again. my little room in my home away from home was beautiful in the dim lamplight.

tonight i sit on the floor in that same room. it isn't so beguiling anymore. it feels lonely.

sometimes i regret the fact that i am a person ruled by feelings, because when i am sad it seeps through me and becomes me. it is who i am. i am made up of long hair and sticking out ribs and rain and sunshine and clouds.

but then when i am happy i revel in it. i love the fact that every smile, every feeling feels like a shot of electricity running through my veins.

alive.