winter

the fog settles over, smothering and cold. it buries this little town by the river and me along with it. i light candles and flash sos signals to the outside world. people wave back cheerily. they don't realise. they don't know...

today i eat half a salad sandwich. that's all. i feel empty, apathetic. i call in sick to work and read all day. i try to lose myself in someone else's fictional reality. it's the only time i'm free from the thoughts that try and hunt me down, devour me.

before bed i stand in front of the mirror, the harsh light glaring at me. i don't like what i see. i want to watch myself disappear again. i want to curl up and sleep and never wake up.

i cry a lot. then i let the yukka die.