un-mixed

we meet in the gardens. we sit by the lake and look out over the water. it's really more like a duck pond.

he loves me.

i knew that, i just didn't want to admit it. i wanted to flirt, but i didn't want to be in love. does that mean it's all my fault?

i can't do this now. two months ago i was on the brink of killing myself. i still can't eat three meals a day without wanting to puke. i need to get better first.

i say i'm not ready. he says there's no rush. i say," if you can wait for me, fine. but if not, then that's okay too. i'm not the only girl there is."

he says, "i know. if i find anyone who can compare to you then i'll think about it. i don't think that would happen though."

we live in a small town. do we need to settle for each other?

i try not to cry. then i say, "i'm sorry i'm not who you thought i was."

he tells me it's okay, it's just made him like me even more.

he hugs me hard before i get into my car. "friends?" i say. "friends," he says.

whatever that means.